Do Not Die for Alice
by NollyLvn
Summary: Junpei is an author, imagine SEES' surprise. Total crack. -Persona 3
I can't believe some people actually read my crack fics. You guys are sick. Oh, but thanks to that, this equally stupid story is born.

So, I have a tendency to drive people insane. See below.

''

 **Do Not Die for Alice**

''

"What are you doing, Junpei?"

Said male decides not to give any visible physical response to Yukari's question. He simply takes a sip of his Mad Bull, making the brunette rolls her eyes and peeks to his monitor. It shows a website titled 4Chan.

"4Chan? Is that something like Pinterest or Thought Catalog?" Yes, the Takeba girl is guilty for stealing fashion trends from those sites. But then, she sees a weird picture when the black-haired guy scrolls through the screen in an absurd speed, as if he had let her see something that she shouldn't ever see in her lifetime, a neighbor's murder, for instance. Yukari gets nervous at his panicked face. "Okay, that's creepy. What was that?"

"Do you know Maiko?" Junpei asks out of the blue, pretending to gulp his soft drink, but his shaking hands make the liquid get into his nose, filling it with carbon dioxide.

Yukari, silently pleased at the turning out of the event—lol, that's what he gets for thinking perverted things all the time—replies, "Yeah, the little girl who always plays alone at the Naganaki Shrine, right?"

Finally out of his nearly-harakiri-ing-myself-in-the-nose stupor that Junpei will call 'hanakiri' from now on, he throws the empty can to the wastebasket, but alas, the ugly piece of metal hits the wall instead. Yukari prays from the deepest of her heart, even Lorelei wouldn't want to sing for him. ''She said she loves me." The guy is talking about the main character of a JRPG he downloaded illegally and plays with an emulator in his computer. It always lags, apparently, PCSX is too heavy for it to endure.

Her prayer stops in an instant. "Say what?"

After several forced restarts every half an hour, he'll get extended time until a BSOD every thirty-one minutes. He calls it a blessing from Zeus. "And she wants to marry me."

"WHAT?!" Both sophomores participate in an awkward staring contest before Yukari abruptly walks away towards the stairs. "Maat will not forgive you, pedophile."

Junpei doesn't have the chance to stop her and ask her who or _what_ the hell Maat is. He then chooses not to bother the brunette—really, who actually listens to her? She can't even hit a Venus Eagle even though it _doesn't even move_ —and continues his hobby.

Too much evens in the last sentence he can't even

Ew, he's disgusted at himself for thinking like that.

Yukari runs to him with a vicious look on her sweaty face, to which the guy raises an eyebrow at. He is weighing to go to persuade Minato to the police office tonight to sell her Holy Shoes and exchange them with Brown Loafers when Mitsuru strolls down the hall like the Empress that her persona's status is. Then, the silent _shujinko_ walks in the background when the redhead points her finger at poor Junpei menacingly. "Is it true that you have let yourself be foolishly hormone-driven and satisfy your desires in a twisted way, Iori?"

Yuka-tan, what kind of Ancient Egypt conspiracy have you told her, dammit?

The dude, however, just sweats it off like the plague. "Oh, come on, there's no way that's happening. Just look at this." He rotates the screen for his three dormmates to see, gaining a raised eyebrow from the guy and two crooked lips from the girls.

"Fanfiction dot net?" Minato's question is almost inaudible, drowned by the background music of the dorm set too harmful for your ears. So much for being a main character.

Junpei smirks victoriously. "One and only paradise."

Mitsuru's smile brightens. Turns out, she is an author in that nerdish website under the penname of _MarinKaIREIJOn_. She gives a justified applause while nodding in satisfaction. " _Buen discurso_ , Iori."

Junpei doesn't have the heart to tell her that he doesn't understand what she just said at all.

Yukari, on the other hand, isn't as calm as the redhead though. "Oh God, what genre do you like?! I didn't know you're an author too, Stupei! We should make a duet!" She exclaims happily, like a child in a fast food restaurant's playground, farting and smearing spits everywhere. "I have a sci-fi idea about the world in apocalypse and we have to fight aliens using the heroine monster with—"

Crash!

Fuuka comes barging in like a bull, bringing her laptop with little to no care at all that it looks like its monitor is about to give up on being attached to the CPU. "My favorite story has just updated!" She screams, accompanied by her laptop's screech of despair. "After YEARS of hiatus! Oh gosh, Burn Madrid!"

The Lover's eyes widen in pleasant surprise. "You too? Fuuka, you follow that fic too?" Tears have started to form in her eyes, then both girls hug in the bidding swear of fangirls' loyalty signed by the founders of the Deep Web.

Later that night, SEES finds out that the author of the infamous story is _ShiomiYukiArisat_ , which is in fact, their leader's username _._ Junpei and Akihiko have to restrain Yukari and Fuuka from ripping apart the hideous name from the monitor and burn it in red. The brunette swears a bloody oath to herself to hijack his computer someday and erase everything about his account, including unfollowing and unfavoriting 3142 stories, AND deleting all of his reviews. It is licentious, but still a good revenge for tricking all the readers to think it was co-authored by three people and not updating for two goddamn years. What he does is only hanging up with random people, anyways—a philosophically failed monk, anyone?

Mitsuru watches the incident occur in silence. _Ya udah lah, ya._ The redhead will not let the fact that she is a hardcore shipper of Ken/Maiko or that she is a ridiculous polyglot to be discovered whatever it takes. Dignity over truth. She isn't Narukami, after all.

Aigis, who has been told to wear a maid uniform and stand at the corner of the lounge holding a broken tray, is glad that Shinjiro isn't around anymore. If he was still alive, a bus stop sign would have been stabbing the big screen in the control room to reset everyone's brain. She is also satisfied that she is a robot, so she doesn't feel any remorse for shipping Shinjiro/FeMC even though the ship has sunk before sailing.

Ken and Koromaru? They go to Strega and beg to be adopted.

''

I'll pray for your soul now.

Don't blame me, it's 2:10 AM and I need to sleep, besides, it's not my fault that you're reading this very sentence. _You_ scrolled through all of that nonsense for whatever reason. I nope out now, _dadah_!

So, any thought?

Edit: great, seems like publishing new stories via phone is unacceptable by ffn. Great.

05/10/2016 ~NollyLvn


End file.
